DEFENDANT: If I called you a son of a bitch, what would you do?
JUDGE: I'd hold you in contempt and assess an additional five days in jail.
DEFENDANT; What if I thought you were a son of a bitch?
JUDGE: I can't do anything about that. There's no law against thinking.
DEFENDANT: In that case, I think you are a son of a bitch.
Editors of Portable Press, Strange Crime, 2019