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Sunday, February 3, 2019

Thornton P. Knowles On The Socialist Government's Message To Citizens

Dear Fellow Citizen: As one of your government leaders, I want you to know that you will no longer have to worry about money. You won't have to earn it, save it, or spend it on luxuries to impress your more affluent neighbors. You won't have to work hard and save in order to educate your children. We'll do that for you. Of course you will no longer have to spend money on life insurance, health insurance, car insurance, flood insurance or any other kind of insurance. Insurance companies are evil and should be replaced by the government. In case you are wondering where we, your omnipotent and deeply caring government will acquire the vast sums of money to support you and all the others who have been exploited by democracy and capitalism, it's as simple as this: We will take it from citizens we designate as having too much wealth. You know, like the man who owns the company you work for, your doctor, your dentist, and the contractor who built your house. These smart and hard-working entrepreneurs and professionals are presently allowed to keep most of the money they earn. (As for rich Hollywood types, we'll let them keep their wealth because they're talented, and compared to capitalists and business people, they feel deeply for their fellow man.) Once the government has sucked all the wealth and control from the private sector, once no one will be richer or poorer than you. We will solve the income disparity problem by making everyone poor. And when there is no one left to tax, the government will simply print more money. So what if a loaf of bread will cost $1,000, it will still taste the same. As for leaders of your Socialist Party, we must award ourselves a higher standard of living so we can serve you better. Contrary to what those greedy capitalists want you to believe, Socialism has succeeded all over the world. You don't have to look that up, just trust us.

Thornton P. Knowles 


  1. That’s really funny that Knowles starts out with insurance, and has his straw narrator say insurance is evil.

    Insurance is socialist. Everyone in the group pays in and the person who gets in trouble gets taken care of.

  2. Insurance is a private sector business. Not all the insured pay the same premium due to risk factors. But you raise an interesting point. Perhaps pure capitalism is as bad as pure socialism.