Criminal Justice Quote: Drunk and Disorderly in Tennessee

     A man was arrested after he tried to take advantage of an ATM and a picnic table at a local bar, according to the police. Murfreesboro, Tennessee police arrested Lonnie J. Hutton, 49 on the charge of public intoxication Friday, May 16, 2014 at the Boro Bar & Grille. "Mr. Hutton entered the bar and walked to the ATM," said officer Michael Rickland. "Once at the ATM Mr. Hutton pulled down his pants and underwear exposing his genitals. Mr. Hutton then attempted to have sexual intercourse with the ATM."

     The suspect then walked around the bar wearing no pants while he thrust his hips in the air, witnesses told the officer. Bar staff escorted Hutton outside…."Once outside," according to the officer, "Mr. Hutton exposed himself and engaged in same activity with a wooden picnic table."…The officer said Hutton appeared intoxicated and smelled of alcohol. He was transported to the Rutherford County Adult Detention Center where he is being held on $250 bond….[Next time you withdrawal cash from a ATM, try not to think of this case.]

"Man Held After Attempting Sex With ATM, Picnic Table," The (Murfreesboro) Daily News Journal, May 20, 2014 

Criminal Justice Quote: Police Searching for "The Urinator"

Police are searching for a man who has been urinating on people near the University of Florida campus. The Gainesville Sun reports the victims told police they were standing with their backs turned to the man when they felt themselves being urinated upon. The incidents occurred February 22, February 26, and March l, 2014 in various locations near the campus. The victims all told police when they confronted the man, he ran away.

"Police Search for Man Suspected of Urinating on People Near University of Florida," Fox News, March 6, 2014 

Criminal Justice Quote: Catholic School Alumni Turned Porn Star Goes to Jail

     In a gross and shocking miscarriage of justice, a Nebraska county judge handed down a harsh 45-day sentence to Catholic school-girl-turned-porn-actress Valerie Dodd, the Rosa Parks of the publicly nude. One evening some months ago, 19-year-old Dodd took her one-woman act to Lincoln Pius X High School in Lincoln, Nebraska. A former student of the Catholic school, Dodd--who now goes by the stage name "Val Midwest'--wanted revenge on teachers and ex-classmates who had said mean things about her new career, so she took pictures of herself in the buff on school grounds….

     Police ticketed her for trespassing and public nudity. Undeterred, this modern-day civil rights hero returned to the school wearing only pasties and panties--an act of sexy civil disobedience, if ever there was one.

     The court did not take kindly to Dodd's subversive art and activism….

Robby Soave, "Teen Porn Star Who Got Nude on Catholic School Grounds Gets 45 Days in Jail," The Daily Caller, December 27, 2013

Criminal Justice Quote: The Bingo Streaker

A drunk man in Louisville, Kentucky was arrested after running through a bingo hall with his pants down screaming "bingo". The suspect was held for "inappropriately disrupting a Bingo game". The man had a YOLO (you only live once) tattoo on his knuckles, an attitude seemingly apparent in his carefree approach to playing bingo.

Metro News, December 31, 2013